The bearded woman: inspiring self-love and acceptance
Meet Harnaam Kaur, the bearded dame
Ever feel like you don’t live up to society’s beauty standards? That you don’t quite fit in? Meet Harnaam Kaur, a woman who has embraced her full beard and spreads a radical message of self-love.
Her message: Love thyself
In her YouTube bio, Kaur describes herself as a body-confident activist, a decorated public speaker, and a Guinness World Record holder. She says she wants to empower and act as a voice for “anyone who has ever felt different.”
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
Born in England to a traditional Punjabi family
Kaur was born in 1990 in the British city of Slough to what she describes as a traditional Punjabi family. Punjabi refers to the Punjab region of Pakistan and India. In an article in Glamour Magazine, she said she grew up as a regular child — attending family gatherings, going to the movies, shopping, and enjoying fairs.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
Her life changed when her body changed
Then puberty hit. Not only did Kaur start having to deal with a harrowing menstrual cycle that sent her to the hospital, but hair began growing on her cheeks, chin, neck, and jawline. Besides that, she gained a lot of weight and changed schools. “Children can be so mean,” she wrote, describing the bullying that ensued.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
Diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)
At the age of 12, Kaur was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. She had no idea what the condition was and thought it was a rare disease. But it actually affects around 10% of women. Its symptoms vary but include irregular periods, infertility, acne, excess body hair, male-pattern baldness, skin tags, and weight gain.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
Tormented and turned to self-harm
In her Ted Talk, she said she was “tormented” every day of school. She said this caused her to become depressed, have panic attacks, and turn to self-harm. She even wanted to take her life. “Because I hated the way my body looked, I felt as if my life, or this world, would be better off without me residing in it.”
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
At the age of 16, she decided to embrace her facial hair
All the plucking, threading, shaving, waxing, and hair-removal creams did nothing to help Kaur’s self-esteem, as she still failed to conform to societal beauty standards. So at age 16, on the verge of taking her life, she decided to live for herself “regardless of peoples’ judgments, of what media says you should look like.”
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
“I do not have any other body to live in, so I may as well love it unconditionally”
Kaur said her decision to leave her beard was powerful and came with the realization that happiness comes from within, not from what other people think. “Today I am happy living as a young beautiful bearded woman. I have realised… I do not have any other body to live in so I may as well love it unconditionally,” she told Rock N Roll Bride Magazine.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
She began getting media attention when she was 24
Until she was 24, Kaur was living a low-profile life with her beard. But then she started giving public interviews in 2014, raising awareness about PCOS, bullying, and body confidence. She was photographed and joined the “Eff you Beauty Standards” campaign.
Her barrier-smashing entry into fashion
In 2016, she became the first woman with a beard to walk at London Fashion Week for Marianna Harutunian. She also appeared in a music video and in 2017, collaborated with a company to design and promote a beard oil.
Image: harnaamkaur/Instagram
World record for the youngest woman with a full beard
In 2016, she also made the Guinness Book of World Records as the youngest woman in the world to have a full beard. “Now with a beard measuring as long as six inches [15 cm] in places, she overcame years of bullying to take ownership of her appearance and achieve this record title at the age of 24 years 282 days,” says her entry.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
She became an activist and still faces hate
“If you want to be unique, you have to enjoy everything that life throws at you. You have no choice but to be resilient,” she said in her Ted Talk. But in a 2022 interview with My London, she said she still receives online abuse, including death threats. “I still have nightmares of being attacked by my bullies.”
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
To her bullies: “You allowed me to rebuild myself into a much better and stronger person”
But Kaur also thanks her school bullies for pushing her to her breaking point. “Thank you for emotionally killing me off, now I know what death tastes like I am not scared of anything anymore. You made me fearless. Thank you for allowing me to figure out my own worth and the gems that I have inside me,” she told Teen Vogue.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
Her lady beard has a name and female pronouns
Instead of fighting against the strange facial hair, she’s actually befriended it, even anthropomorphizing it with a name. She has called it “Sundri,” which means beauty or beautiful in Sanskrit. “I love, adore and celebrate her every day,” she told Teen Vogue.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
Breaking down gender stereotypes
In an interview with the Guardian, she said she doesn’t really believe in traditional gender notions. "I want to know who said ’a va gina is for a woman and a pe nis is for a man’, or ‘pink is for a girl and blue is for a boy.’ I am sitting here with a va g ina and bo obs – and a big beautiful beard.”
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
“We are all made perfectly”
In her body positivity activism, she hosts events around England to show people how to love themselves, their bodies and raise their self-esteem. She goes to schools to explain how bullying can affect people. “You can search this whole universe and you’ll see that no one needs your love as much as you need it,” she said in her Ted Talk.
Image: harnaamkaur / Instagram
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