Kiss, hug or curtsy? The rules of royal greetings

For the commoners of the world, there is a strict protocol of addressing the royal family. A bow, a curtsy, and certainly no touching involved. This cannot be said for royals between themselves. However, royal protocol still remains within hierarchies of the British royal family and other royals across the globe. How should one greet a family member within the royal households?

A document (officially called Precedence of the Royal Family to Be Observed at Court) was drawn up by the Queen’s private secretary in 2005 to figure out where Duchess Camilla fit into the whole royal hierarchy after her marriage to Prince Charles. The precedence is important in the Royal family: who goes before who - or even who bows or curtsies to who.

The Telegraph reported the document was updated after Kate Middleton joined the family. This time, it was to make it clear that Kate still had to curtsy to the “blood princesses”. So what are the rules within the royal family itself?

The curtsy - shortened from "courtesy," is the bending of the knees that can be seen as courteous behaviour. It is standard to curtsy to the King or Queen - certainly for the common folk, but even within the royal family itself.

King Charles' daughter-in-law Kate Middleton, the Princess of Wales, dipped into a curtsy to greet the monarch, as seen at her Christmas carol concert in December. The royals follow the rules.

Zarife Hardy of Australian School of Etiquette, told Now To Love, that "The royal curtsy is one foot behind the other and the deep and the longer you stay down shows more respect.”

To take the curtsy to the next level, the girl or woman bends the knees outward (rather than straight ahead), and sweeps one foot behind her. Is it likely the royal ladies themselves receive training in the art of the curtsy? Very.

From a distance, the public curtsy and never touch! In the case of the family - or even close friends - the curtsy is usually accompanied by a handshake. Don’t be too confident though, it’s only if the royal extends their hand first.

Photo: Princess Margaret with actress Sophia Loren in 1958

Of course, royal life is all about pomp, circumstance and etiquette; but do the royals still curtsy at home? One source told Money-Coutts for the Telegraph, "What they do when there are no outsiders present I can’t tell, but I suspect they do [curtsy]. They all did with the Queen."

Meghan Markle recalled meeting The Late Queen Elizabeth for the first time in the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s Netflix show, ‘Harry & Meghan.’ Meghan clearly found the whole experience confusing and was certainly surprised that people within the same family would curtsy to each other.

Photo: Netflix

The Duchess of Sussex said, "I remember we were in the car and we were driving up and he's like, 'You know how to curtsy, right?' And I just thought it was a joke."

Harry took over saying, "How do you explain that to people? How do you explain that you bow to your grandmother and that you would need to curtsy? Especially to an American. That's weird.” Meghan proceeded to then mock up a curtsy and remembered wondering if that was a good enough job.

Photo: Netflix

In 2012, The Telegraph reported the royals “bow and curtsy to each other in public and in private,” As an example, they used Kate Middleton, who had dipped into a curtsy on the balcony of Buckingham palace as Prince Philip walked by.

As mentioned before, Kate and Meghan are not blood royals and still have to curtsy to the ‘blood princesses’ - Princess Anne, Princes Beatrice and Princess Eugenie. Unless their husbands are in the room. If the Prince of Wales and Duke of Sussex are in the room, the wives are not required to curtsy as their husbands outrank the other ladies.

This, of course, will likely be tweaked in the years to come and no one yet knows if now, with Her Royal Highness the Princess of Wales as such a royal title, Kate needs to curtsy to anyone except the King and Queen consort. Meghan, on the other hand has royal children - will she one day have to curtsy to Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet?

"The general rule of thumb to remember is that a Royal Highness does not curtsy to another Royal Highness," Myka Meier, an etiquette expert and the author of the book Modern Etiquette Made Easy, told PEOPLE. "Therefore, while the newly titled Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh will still have to curtsy to His Majesty King Charles and Her Majesty The Queen Consort, they will not have to curtsy any of the blood princes or princesses or those who have married one.”

The new Duchess of Edinburgh has caught the eye of some experts with her ability to curtsy. "I'm most impressed by Sophie's curtsy,” Myka Meier said, also a teacher of royal etiquette offering the most advanced etiquette and protocol course in the world. "She consistently has an amazing approximate 13-inch dip and is always strong and steady on her feet … perfect time and time again! A good curtsy takes muscle and balance!"

Let’s look at the men. Gentlemen, as tradition states, should bow - but only from the neck. A handshake is also acceptable. King Charles, however, has had a different view on greeting ladies - less bowing and more puckering up.

Charles has a special greeting for royal women. Incredibly endearing, the King has a tradition and custom to kiss the ladies on their hands. Photographs of Prince Charles greeting Queen Letizia of Spain went viral.

Marie Claire stated that this, according to royal experts, is a sign of respect. We all remember the beautiful photo of Queen Elizabeth and her son looking each other in the eyes while he plants a kiss on her hand after a polo match, which he repeated in public time and time again like this moment at the Queen's jubilee.

Now, of course, the kiss is becoming more popular in this evolving royal family - focused on bringing the monarchy into the 21st century. European traditions have greeted between royals with kisses and, of course, the royals have been seen to ease off the strict tradition and give each other a peck on the cheek once in a while.

In May 2019, many remember Kate welcoming her grandmother-in-law to the Chelsea Flower Show where she gave The Queen a guided tour of the garden. Kate greeted the Queen with a kiss on both cheeks as well as a curtsy. Prince William also stooped down to give his grandmother a peck on each cheek.

The Queen also was always happy to get a peck on the cheek from her youngest son’s wife, Sophie Countess of Wessex (at the time). They met with a fond embrace and kiss at the Royal Windsor Horse Show in Windsor in 2015.

Of course, you would never kiss a royal unless you were a family member or close friend and yes, there is even etiquette with a kiss, according to nobility-association.com. “To cheek kiss correctly, you place your right cheek against their right cheek, but you don't air kiss or make the loud pucker noise,” the website reads.

Possibly. Photos from Prince William and Kate’s visit to Sweden and Norway in 2018 show that these stiff barriers are breaking down. The way the couple greeted Crown Princess Mette Marit and Crown Prince Haakon was heart-warming - but also very un-royal, with warm hugs and kisses.

According to royal expert Victoria Arbiter, they’ve “known each other for a million years” as she told INSIDER. "These royal families are all connected one way or another — when you look at the family tree they all go way back. They've all interacted a fair bit and there is much more of a familiarity."

"They're all royal, so there's allowed to be a slightly more familial approach than if they were meeting the head of a charity or somebody that wasn't royal," Arbiter continued. "These are extended family members and everybody's on a level playing field, so that's why you see that slightly more relaxed approach.”

It seems that all traditions are slowly becoming less vital to the more modern royals. Even the British royal family’s official website states that technically "there are no obligatory codes of behaviour when meeting The Queen or a member of the Royal Family." So? Each to their own.