Sleep divorces: The unconventional marriage hack of the stars

Victoria and David Beckham sleep in separate beds (and wings)
What exactly is a sleep divorce?
Carson Daly says a sleep-divorce was the “best thing” to have happened to his marriage
More than a third of Americans say they sleep in separate rooms
The long tradition of sleep divorces in the British monarchy
Donald and Melania Trump reportedly sleep in separate rooms
A house divorce: Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick
Why? Sleeping together can be a nightmare for some couples
All’s fair in love and snore
Sleeping with a human furnace
Not sleeping well can be terrible for your relationship
Sleep divorce regrets: Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett
The American dream
One in four American couples sleep apart
Shaping architecture
How to ask for a sleep divorce
Figure out the logistics
A sleep divorce could be a sign of a mature relationship
Missing a spare bedroom? Try the Scandinavian sleep method
Victoria and David Beckham sleep in separate beds (and wings)

Yes, Posh and Becks are reportedly great fans of sleeping apart. According to the Daily Mail, they even bought a new country home with "his and her wings." Hey, they seem happy and are one of the few ultra-famous couples to have stayed together since the 90s. A source told the Daily Mail that it helps the couple live more independent lives.

What exactly is a sleep divorce?

A sleep divorce is nothing more than a couple (or thruple etc.) making the decision to sleep apart. Experts say if your partner is disrupting your sleep and you want to fix that problem, it’s a sign that you care about your relationship and health.

Carson Daly says a sleep-divorce was the “best thing” to have happened to his marriage

The Today Show host told his viewers that he and his wife Siri Daly are blissfully sleep divorced. “I was served my sleep-divorce papers a few years ago,” he explained. “It’s the best thing that ever happened to us. We both, admittedly, slept better apart.”

More than a third of Americans say they sleep in separate rooms

A 2023 survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that sleep divorces are becoming strikingly common. The survey found that 43% millennials engage in sleep divorce, followed by 33% of those in Generation X, 28% of those in Generation Z and 22% of baby boomers. On average, it's around one out of everything couples. Let's see who else enjoys the trend...

The long tradition of sleep divorces in the British monarchy

Married in 1947, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip may have lasted so long due to their sleep divorce. "In England, the upper class always have had separate bedrooms. You don't want to be bothered with snoring or someone flinging a leg around," Lady Pamela, Prince Philip's first cousin, told writer Sally Bedell Smith. “Then when you are feeling cozy you share your room sometimes. It is lovely to be able to choose."

Donald and Melania Trump reportedly sleep in separate rooms

The former president and his wife reportedly live fairly separate lives. That includes sleeping in separate White House suits, according to the New York Times. Actually, she didn’t move to the White House for months at the beginning, waiting for their son to finish his term in school.

A house divorce: Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick

In 2016, the couple became next-door neighbors, living in adjoining New York City townhouses. They just celebrated their 25th anniversary last May.

Why? Sleeping together can be a nightmare for some couples

The Better Sleep Council did a survey of American couples and found they have some major issues in the bedroom, at least when they’re trying to get some shut-eye. Of the 85% of adults who said they have problems sleeping at night, 40% said it was because of their partner tossing and turning.

All’s fair in love and snore

Snoring can be another major disturbance solved by parting ways. A 2010 study of people with sleep apnea found that 63% had relationship issues. Another study saw that severe snoring can cause anger and resentment, with those with sleep apnea having a higher divorce rate.

Sleeping with a human furnace

Experts recommend sleeping at a temperature of 60-67F (15.5-19.4C), but not everyone has the same preference. When you sleep with someone else, they can also significantly drive up the temperature and get in the way of solid rest.

Not sleeping well can be terrible for your relationship

A 2016 study from Germany found sleep and relationship issues often occur simultaneously. A 2013 study from UC Berkeley found one partner's disturbed sleep can lead to conflicts in the relationship the next day.

Photo: Kampus production/ Pexels

Sleep divorce regrets: Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett

In his 2012 memoir, actor Ryan O'Neal said he slept separately from his wife, Farrah Fawcett, after his son developed a habit of hogging the couple’s bed. "Farrah and I had grown used to our privacy and it stuck, and even when we traveled after that, we'd often get adjoining rooms. I always thought of our arrangement as terribly mature of us… Now I wish I could have back every one of those nights we slept in separate beds."

The American dream

A 2018 poll of 2,000 Americans found that 46% of couples said they wished they could sleep apart, though not all of them do.

One in four American couples sleep apart

According to a 2017 survey from the National Sleep Foundation, almost one-quarter of married couples sleep in separate beds. Though it’s clearly not for everyone, as some couples like to cuddle and bond in the moments before sleep.

Shaping architecture

The sleep divorce trend is going so strong that it is impacting the way some houses are being built. In the Better Sleep Council survey, 20% of Americans said their dream home has separate master bedrooms.

How to ask for a sleep divorce

It doesn’t have to be dramatic, but it should be kind. “You have to make the choice consciously together. It can’t be a reactive thing like ‘You snore so much, so I’m just going to sleep somewhere else,’ or kicking one person out of the bedroom,” sleep psychologist Shelby Harris told CNBC.

Figure out the logistics

Someone should not be relegated to an uncomfortable couch. Harris recommends ensuring both parties have somewhere comfy to sleep. It could even be in the same room if snoring isn’t the main issue. She also recommends having a space where you can spend intimate time together before parting your separate ways at night.

A sleep divorce could be a sign of a mature relationship

“Happy, long-term couples are more inclined to have well-developed communication skills and patterns, which are key to making separate sleeping arrangements work,” Jennifer Adams, the author of ‘Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart’ told the NYT.

Missing a spare bedroom? Try the Scandinavian sleep method

This popular practice in Northern Europe doesn’t involve sleeping in separate beds but instead is all about using separate blankets. This avoids disruptive blanket thievery and gives individuals control over temperature.

Image: IKEA TOG-ether via IKEA UK Youtube

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