First-time parents? Avoid these gems of outrageous advice!

First-time parents? It’s most likely you have already received a wealth of knowledge from seasoned mums and dads as well as family members, friends, and the cat… we highly recommend avoiding some of those tips at all costs. Here are the most outrageous snippets of advice we’ve ever heard.

"If your kid starts crying, you start crying louder. This will make them stop crying soon and become more concerned about you."

Said the narcissist.

Photo: Jimmy Conover / Unsplash

"Sleep when the baby sleeps."

Or perhaps you could eat, shower, do the washing up, prepare meals, do the washing etc etc etc...

Photo: Alexander Grey / Unsplash

"Invite your family to come right away so you’ll have help."

Or enjoy the time with your partner, worry about no one else and avoid high hormonal stress.

"Tape down your kid’s ears so that they aren’t sticking out."

Just don't.

Photo: Matt Walsh / Unsplash

"If you tickle your baby, they will develop a stutter when they are older."

We look forward to the studies that prove this one.

Photo: Gabe Pierce / Unsplash

"If your kid is making a huge fuss while eating and throwing their food, beat up their teddy. This will make your child eat their own food."

Or scar them for life.

Photo: Hui Sang / Unsplash

"They just cry to manipulate you."

Yes, the helpless, squishy, confused, days-old baby.

Photo: Ryan Franco / Unsplash

"You have to exclusively breastfeed or you aren’t giving them the best start to life."

Just feed the baby and be proud of it.

Photo: Rainier Ridao / Unsplash

"If you have the habit of reading books to your toddler, you can tell them you wrote all of them. They are not that smart, so they will believe you."

Why?

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"Once you have kids, forget ‘me time’ - all you are going to have is ‘kid time’."

It may seem daunting but your favourite time is, indeed, kid time. And when the baby is asleep? Well, that's 'you' time, isn't it?

Photo: Alexander Dummer / Unsplash

"If your baby pulls your hair, pull theirs. Soon they will stop."

And if the baby is bald? Then what?

Photo: Saiid Bel / Unsplash

"If you are at a park and your toddler is not holding your hand, put them on roller skates. After that, I can assure you that they are not letting go of you."

Fear. Always works.

Photo: Sven Brandsma / Unsplash

"Being a parent means just walking around the house and cleaning up the mess your kid has created before going on to sleep. And then they wake up and you repeat the whole routine."

Said the wise guru whose parenting is clearly on point.

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"You had better not vaccinate, or the baby will be autistic."

Do your own research! Read the AAP [American Academy of Pediatrics] recommendation on vaccines and do what the scientists tell you, for goodness sake.

"If your kid tells you they had a bad dream, try to comfort them by saying 'it’s ok darling, reality is much worse.'"

OR it could all just be a dream..?

Photo: Kinga Cichewicz / Unsplash

"This is the best part; enjoy every moment!"

Sorry, newborns are actually pretty darn hard.

Photo: Tim Bish / Unsplash