Do you know what your love language is? These are all five of them

Love languages, as described by Gary Chapman in the book ‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts’, are five different ways in which people receive and express love in a relationship, specially in a romantic one.

Thirty years ago, Chapman, an American Baptist pastor with a doctorate in adult education, introduced the concept to the world with his book, presenting these five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

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Chapman based the five love languages on anecdotal evidence he found while working as a marriage counselor at his church for more than 20 years, explaining that, in order to make your partner feel loved, you simply need to speak that person’s language.

“Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other,” reads the introduction.

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While giving counseling to couples, Dr. Chapman had troubles in his own marriage. He and his wife would get into heated arguments over small things, he recalls in his book.

He would constantly tell her how nice she looked and how much he loved her. But one day his wife answered: “‘You keep saying, ‘I love you,’ but if you love me, why don’t you help me (around the house)?’”

Chapman recalls that conversation as an ‘eureka’ moment in which he realized that what he appreciated most in a relationship were words of affirmation, while his wife valued acts of service a lot more.

While we may use all five languages to express love, usually we have one primary love language or a way to express and receive love that we value the most. Let’s get more specific about Chapman’s love languages.

"Words of affirmation" is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation, as described by Chapman.

When “words of affirmation” is someone's primary love language, they value kind words and encouragement, compliments, uplifting quotes, love letters, and cute text messages the most, just to name some examples.

Someone with this love language wants undivided attention. They feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together.

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Putting down your cell phone, making eye contact, and actively listening, are all things that a person with “quality time” as their primary love language will value a lot.

If your partner’s primary love language is “quality time”, they will value an experience way more than a physical gift. A date or a romantic getaway are ideal gifts for these people.

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